The Big Man vs the flat-pack desk

“Right. Here’s what’s got me. Nobody will buy a desk unless it’s from the Swedish one. And fair play to them. Their instructions are clearer. Their desks are simpler to build. You open the box, you follow the pictures, you’ve got a desk.

“Now try anybody else’s. Twelve pages. Drawings the size of a stamp. Step 9 looks exactly like step 14. Part F and part G are the same bit of wood, apart from they’re not. And at the end there’s a screw left over. There is always a screw left over.”

“Especially when the drill bit’s broke and you have to screw every single screw in by hand. Every one. By hand.”The Big Man, holding a screwdriver

“So here’s my question. Why can’t the other desks come with Scandinavian instructions? ’Cause that’s where they’re from, isn’t it?

“Then a hole wears loose and the leg’s falling out by Tuesday. So here’s one for nothing.”

The Big Man’s fix: snap the heads off a couple of wooden matchsticks, dip them in wood glue, push them in the loose hole and snap them off flush. Let it dry, then put the screw back in. Firm as you like.

“That’s the whole point of Clarity HQ. If you’re going to explain something, explain it properly. Plain words. Clear steps. No mystery screws. Good instructions sell desks, and they sell everything else too.”